I have three friends that are professional photographers.
One friend is the mom of my son’s best buddy. One is my neighbor and my dearest friend since I was 16. And one is my graduate-school kindred spirit.
Yup. That is my secret. It’s probably cheating. Okay it IS cheating. But, if you don’t have a friend who is a professional photographer, you need to get one. Like, right away. Buy these folks coffee…. let them borrow your car….do whatever…. Because when you send your son on playdates you get pics like THIS:
By Jessica Nichols Photography
When you have a new baby you get pics like THIS from Auntie Sugar:
by Christiana Childers Photography
When they need last minute models for their workshops you get the phone call and then end up with pics like THIS:
by Erika from Me Ra Koh Confidence Workshop
I know. I need to bake more and pay these women back, eh?
This is my last January Top Lists Post. And, okay, I admit, it’s a doozie. And it is ironic since I have had the world’s worse week of parenting. But Fridays are all about books here at MamaBloo… so here we go!
————————————————–
I own a lot of parenting books. That doesn’t make me an expert on parenting, but it does make me an expert on Parenting Books — which is why I needed a top 11 and not a top 10. I have read a ton, especially on sleep. When my son was born, he was born without the ability to sleep. My daughter, on the other hand, sleeps so much we actually called the doctor. Hey, you get what you get, huh? Anyway, here are my picks on parenting books. I will admit, a lot of these books I didn’t finish or am still in the process of reading. That’s okay, though. Let me know if I missed one that you found especially helpful!
These first three should be required reading. Seriously. Well, at least for people like me. If I taught Parenting 101, these would be my texts.
1. Sacred Parenting by Gary L. Thomas. Freaky good. But will rock you to the core. This book basically pulled me apart and put me back together again as it discussed how being a parent is also about our own journey as parents. That we are not out to change our kids, but that they — through God’s divine divine-ness — will change us. I shook through most of reading this book, and I have to admit, I have not finished it. I have to be ready to take out a electron-microscope and examine me when I pick up this book. Not always confortable, but required, I think.
2. The Optimistic Child by Martin E.P. Seligman This book takes a RESEARCH-based look at the phenomenon and epidemic of depression and entitlement among kids today. Seligman looks at how accomplishment and learning to deal with failure (when it occurs) actually teaches our kids to view themselves and the world more optimisitcally — no more trophies for just “showing up” to the game! He looks at depression and at ways to prevent it in our children by looking at their behavior and helping them express themselves. This book absolutely changed my paradigm of parenting. It has made me really look hard at how I coach my own children to interact with their failures AND their successes.
3. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Childby Marc Weissbluth M.D. This book takes a deep look at the importance of sleep in a baby and child’s life. Warning, it does support some version of “crying it out” when the babies are young, so if you are anti-cry-it-out you just need to steel yourself for that section. But don’t throw it away just because of that! This book goes through why we need sleep, how the lack of sleep affects us, and looks at ways to help kids get the sleep they need. It is relevant from birth to adolescence. Best sleep book out there, in my opinion (and I have read over 14 books on sleep… 14….).
These next six are the next “phase” of reading — for when you have time (ha ha.. .when we have time… I am funny…).
4. Touchpoints – Birth to 3 by T. Berry Brazelton M.D. The basic premise in this book is that there are these “touch points” throughout early childhood that are time just before a “rapid growth in any line of development … when, for a short time, a child’s behvior falls apart.” This book walks parents through these touchpoints and dicusses what is actually going on and offers good counsel on dealing with this new stage for your child. I loved this book grounded me as I watched my son grow up through his third year. It doesn’t really offer anything life-changing, but it kept me rooted in reality as I watched his little mind, body, and emotions grown and change!
5. Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax M.D. This was recommended to me by a total feminist, so if it has convinced her, you should sleep soundly with its credibility. This book takes a look at the emerging science of gender-differences and how boys and girls are just plain DIFFERENT. This is not news to those of us who have both a boy and a girl in our posse. This book states that a lot of these differences are on a physiological level (girls actually hear 10 times better than boys…. not news to most of us…). I admit I am not all the way through this book, but what I have read has help me rapt as I think about the reprecussions of these changes in how we discipline, educate, and form our kids.
6. Nurture by Nature. by Tierger and Barron-Tieger This takes the Meyers-Briggs personality test (ya know, ENFP, ISTJ??? ) and puts it into a parenting book. I have a friend who states that the more kids she had, the more she realized that she had little influence over who they were – -they were just born that way! This book promotes that idea. It really helped me look at my kids as the unqiue people they are — why one follows rules and the other doesn’t, how one loves stuffed animals and the other doesn’t care and so on. A nice tool in the arsenol for dealing with them as individuals rather than a pack.
7. How to Say It — Kids and How to Say It — Teens by Richard Heyman Ed.D. Just a little handbook for how to deal with issues that face your kid. This book tackles topics like BULLEYING and HOMEWORK and JEALOUSLY and CURFEWS and CHORES and on and on. It could almost be a “bathroom reader” as each topic is only 1-2 pages long and offers a down and dirty look at what to say to you kids/teens about these topics. It both tells you what to say and what NOT to say!
8. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. This one was Dave’s read. After reading 30+ parenting books, I finally begged and pleased and blackmailed him to read JUST ONE book and report on it. This was it. We have read Gottman’s work on healthy marriages and have found him to be very insightful and this book was no different for looking at how to raise emotionally healthy kiddos. He advocates an emotional-coaching type of parenting that no one, NO ONE, can be successful at 100% (or even 75%) of the time — but it is a good goal!
9. Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay This book advocates letting children make choices and then letting them learn from the consequences — both positive and negative. Okay, so this one is a controversial book, I think. People tend to love it or hate it. I am not really in either camp. I think there is enough to glean from this book that it worth the read. Here is the thing I love most about this philoshophy, it creates a non-emotional response from the parent. Intead of yelling and getting all caught up in the heat of the moment, it allows parents to step back and allow the consequences to unfold — giving the child choices that the parent can live with (not an “either or” when the “or” is punishment…). Some people think the book is too harsh.. and I can really really see their point. But if you read with your own parameters in mind, you can get some good stuff from this one.
These last two are for commiserating and laughing.
10. Operating Instructions by Anne Lammott. This is just one of my favorite authors in the whole wide world. This book is a memoir about the first year of raising her son and it will both make you laugh and cringe… because you have been there! Beware, if you are currently in your first year of raising anyone, this book will NOT be funny to you. You need time and perspective on the insanity of that first year in order to find the meaning in this book.
11. Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. Same goes for this book. Be sure you are out of the infant stage before you pick this one up. But when you do, get ready to laugh your behind off! Off! Gone! If only it worked for weightloss…
Inspired by my post from last week, I thought I would look at some more pros to a big family:
#10 – You have a built-in basketball team, soccer team, swim team, and tennis team anywhere you go. Of course, this works the best for people who don’t have other friends or family.
#9 – Many hands to help unload that Costco run. Of course, a family with fewer kids probably doesn’t know the Costco checkout people by name… like we do….hmmm..
#8 – There is usually someone who needs to make an extra buck or two – - this results in bribery for all sorts of things: Rubbing my feet, pulling weeds, doing my taxes… you name it!
#7 – Food never goes to waste. If you doubt me, check out my former post about my husband’s moonlighting job as a gleaner.
#6 – You are never alone. Ever. Not in the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen, the car. Not ever.
#5 – You have an excuse for just about anything. “I have five kids, afterall!” you say each time you are late, unshowered, the house is a mess, your roots are showing, the dinner is Hamburger Helper, the email goes unreturned, the car has a dent, the election didn’t go the way you planned, the weather is bad, the computer has a virus, the picture is blurry… you get the idea…
#4 – You have unlimited topics for your blog.
#3 – The christmas tree looks like you’re a millionaire. 8 people for Christmas X 4 gifts per person is ….oh, I hate math… is like a lot of presents under the tree.
#2 – A purchase of one cool shirt or pair of jeans lasts — get this – four or more years! Just hand it down to the next waiting kid. Bargain shopping at its best.
#1 – There is always someone to hug. Yeah, that’s really nice. So, is the laughter, the pile of kids on top of each other watching a movie, the built-in babysitting and playdates, the realization that maybe, if we’re lucky, we’ll be like the faimly in the movie DAN IN REAL LIFE someday. And I…I will be the matriarch. Yes. “Matriarch”, I like the sound of that.
It is interesting, I think, when minds think alike.
On Friday I wrote a post about the New Year and finding that one word to guide yourself through 2010. Then, things just started pouring in. As more and more energy came to me from this one post, I discovered more and more people out there looking for, celebrating, and living with their ONE LITTLE WORD. The notion of seeing your whole life through the intention and awareness of this one word is something pretty amazing.
I have always been a nut for the power of words, especially the spoken word. Maya Angelou says that words “hang on the walls” in our life. Even the characters in Harry Potter knew the power of words when they refuse to utter Voldemort’s name. I am careful (well, most of the time) not say anything that I don’t want to speak into exisitence.
So, I am gonna say this. Let’s do it. Let’s all find that one word to guide us.
Might I be so bold as to say this, too. Wait until the kids have been shuffled off to school or the baby is down for a nap. Grab a cup of coffee or that ice cold Diet Pepsi. Be sure you have pen and paper – or better yet, a journal. Then look through some of the links below. Then, try and get your husband or significant other to join you in picking out his own word. If you hubbie is anything like mine, there is no chance in getting him to delve into some blogs and websites, but a good ol’conversation may work. Last year Dave selected TRACTION. We are in a profoundly different spot than we were last New Year’s. I have to believe that the intention of this word, TRACTION, in our life was part of why we are where we are — no more spinning our wheels financially, professionally, familially.
Here is my process. I write down the words that jump out to me. Then I let is rest for a bit. And there is always one (or maybe two) word(s) that nags me to distraction; one word that rises to the top of the list. Then I spend some time looking at the definition of the word, saying the word, wondering what it means nto me. Then I just pick it. This year I am going to try out some of the ideas below to really cement this one little word into my life.
Click herefor some ideas from a whole website (no longer being updated) that dedicated itself to the whole notion of ONE LITTLE WORD. I warn you, though. This website will blow you away! If you click on a word, it will take you to some quotes and even some art projects to inspire you! Mind blowing, like I said.
Here is another place to check out. Shutter Sisters guides photographer with one word each month. If you love photography — or know someone who does — you must check this site out.
A couple more. Check out this blog postfrom Ali Edwards. There are some embedded links inside this post that will take you deeper and deeper into this idea of one word. Christine Kane’s blog provides a great list to get you thinking and click hereif you want to go directly to a video describing the switch in thought when you move from a resolution to a word – from “doing” to “being”. There is also a downloadable worksheet that can take you through the steps of implementing your word into your life.
This week I am going to dedicate myself to finding my word for 2010.
Words are powerful. Choose cafefully. Then open yourself up for what the power that your one little word brings you.
