February is Dental Health Month… WHATEVER!
February is DENTAL HEALTH month. Seriously? If you were born with teeth like my husband (aka PERFECT) you would probably love a month like this. You could go around smiling your freakin perfect-never-had-braces smile and shrug and say, “I love Dental Health!”. But if I had known February was dental health month, Iwould have postponed my wedding (yes, we were married in February).
Okay, so I have dentist issues.
When I was growing up our dentist was an old man with age spots on his hand and thick glasses. I’ll stop there. That’s enough, isn’t it? Do I need to say more? And I had to visit the dentist all the time. My teeth have major problems — like “go on Dr. Phil” major problems.
My kids currently see a fabulous dentist (although not without horrifying moments, we’ll get to that in a minute). Going to see her is like a trip to Disneyland — there are lights, tvs, prizes, and a NICE, young, exotic, beautiful dentist who gets kids. This place is so fantastic, so awe-inspiring, that Lily (10) wants to grow up and BECOME A DENTIST? What? I am all for encouraging the dreams of the young, but a dentist? All I can think about is that elf on “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” who chants “I vant to be a dentist...” and is then fired for being a bad elf. I am with Santa on this one.
On a recent trip to the dentist for Ty (4) all my fears were confirmed. The horror started the MOMENT the hygiensist found out that we let Ty brush and floss ALL BY HIMSELF… as if we also gave him weapons and the keys to the car, “Go on honey, have a great day at pre-school. Don’t forget your machete!” Whatever. If you know Ty, he is a bit like me… he likes to do things HIS way and so, since I have clear dental issues, I let him brush and floss all by himself.
Ty Brushing His Teeth -- All By Himself!
Well…. out came the BOOK. This book was full of pictures of what will happen to your teeth if you do not let your mother or father brush them for you. This book was better suited for pay-per-view, because seriously, I almost called my mom and told her she needed to start brushing my teeth for me. It was picture after picture of mangled, twisted, rotting teeth. I don’t think there was a white tooth on a single page. My eyes bugged out. Ty’s eyes squinted in disbelief.
It didn’t stop there. Then out came the REWARD CHART that I was going to provide (I am??? No one warned me?!?!?!) when Ty let me brush his teeth for him. Apparently, I was going to give him a reward like a book or a special toy (it was all I could do at this point not to say, “You mean, like CANDY?” ) when he completed the chart. Then… then… I caught this woman making notes on the chart that said something akin to “Mother actually lets him brush his own teeth, can you believe it? I mean, can you??” Now MY eyes squinted in disbelief. Does this woman not know how much guilt I already carry around with me about…. oh, I don’t know…EVERYTHING?!?
Besides, aren’t all these teeth just gonna fall out anyway?
Okay, OKAY… I get it. Clearly something needs to change. I will try to be a well-adjusted mother and attend to my child’s dental needs. So, in celebration of the much-anticipated-around-the-nation DENTAL HEALTH MONTH, I am going to start brushing Ty’s teeth for him. I can just hear that hygienist sighing in gloating satisfaction, while patting her “book” and special reward chart…. whatever…. Just someone warn me WAY in advanced when it is the official POKE YOURSELF IN THE EYE month… because that is MUCH better than Dental Health Month. Much.
Next month is POKE YOURSELF IN THE EYE month. Just FYI.
HA! You’re funniest yet! I love it
Kari, you crack me up! I felt like I was right there with you as I read. I just received an e-mail reminding me that it is dental health month for my DOG and that I need an appointment now! He has an underbite, do you think he’ll need braces along with my kids???!!!
“poke yourself in the eye” month!! Hahaha! I’m totally of the opinion that those teeth are just going to fall out… Someone explained to me why I should have that attitude but all I heard was “blah, blah, blah, yes they will fall out but blah, blah, blah”…You can only do so much.
YOU are ALL cracking ME up today!
I’m with you. Don’t we helicopter these children enough? I think it’s great that he’s learning to take care of his teeth himself…and more importantly..WANTS to. I truly fear the day we get notes from our children in college, where Student Health still wants us to brush our kids’ damn teeth.
Don’t think so.
I get nagged about my dog’s teeth, too. BTW. :)
My husband also has perfect teeth without trying – how infuriating!! Yeah – we let our 4 year old brush himself and I know I am supposed to floss and brush for him….as you say, add it to the guilt we already carry around.