Head in the Hole
Last night Dave and I watched as Emme — 22 months — tried to put on her own shirt.
As cute as it was, it was a frustrating experience for ALL of us. Mainly because Emme kept trying to stick her head in the neck hole first, rather than go up through the big waist part of the shirt. I can see her point. She was thinking, this is where my head goes. But it doesn’t work that way. And she kept trying and trying and failing and failing.
And, she would not let us help her. Every time I reached over and tried to just show her the right way — she furrowed her brow (a trait she inherited from her father….) and frowned, jerked the shirt away, and continued to try to put her head in the wrong way. So, I sat on my hands. Finally, even Dave couldn’t take it anymore and he tried to just SHOW her the way to be successful and she actually shoved him away and said, NO ( a trait she inherited from her mother!)!
So, we both sat on our hands.
And as I sat there and watched her it struck me that we were experiencing a microcosm of parenting that we would face for the rest of our lives. It is nearly torture to watch your child try their best and fail — especially when you know… YOU KNOW… how to help them, how to reach over, turn the shirt around and just hand it back to them so they can do it! You are not trying to take over, just help, for the love of God! But she insisted on doing it herself…wrong.
And that is what we get to do over and over. We watch our kids try and refuse our help and fail. They insist that they know better than us — or that they can do it themselves — or that they don’t need us. And we have so sit there saying, “Please let me help you, I can’t stand to watch this!” But they GET to do it themselves. We GET to wait, watch, pray, and lose sleep.
Finally, Emme solved the problem. She switched to a different shirt. One that buttoned up the front. She put it on and then… and then…. asked Daddy to button up the front.
Thank God.
I have a feeling God feels the same way watching all of us :) Thanks for your post!
What a humorous, yet powerful analogy, Kari. You are so wise! When you write your book, my talented friend, I want a signed copy! :)
It’s crazy how clear this seems as a parent, and yet it’s so hard to ask our own parents for help, and even harder to listen when they offer us help!
To Katie: How true! From: Mother of the writer of “Head in the Hole”.
Oh my gosh, I loved this! It reminded me of teaching too. When you want students to try, even if it means failing and learning from that experience yet they are afraid of failing. Then those who ask for advice yet don’t follow through and fail (sometimes over and over again). Thank you!!!
My daughter is also 22 months and my little I-can-do-it-myself girl. I also have to battle my urge to help her when she’s figuring something out – especially when I’m in a bit of a rush.
I love that you had to sit on your hands! I know the feeling!! It drives me crazy when I tell them one thing and they do the other and fail. I try to make them repeat after me, “You were right. I was wrong. I’ll remember that next time you tell me how to do something..” They refuse.