I Have Seen the Future and It Includes KINDERGARTEN
I don’t know why I am struggling so much with this.
With THIS… this… thing called Kindergarten.
The mere thought of it sends me to the liquor cabinet.
I just turned in the registration packet for Ty to start Kindergarten in the fall. I was a good little trooper and filled out all the forms with the emergency contacts and the release to put his name in the school directory. I dutifully circled all the skills he has: can hop on one foot, can recite the alphabet, knows his phone number, etc. I even wrote a little bit extra about “who he is” — that he is senstive and notices everything, that he will be bored with tasks too easy, that he will be devastated by emotional outburts or criticism. I have gone to the school and seen the classroom. I feel like I have done all the right things. I’ve been a good mom.
And I also think I have an ulcer.
It’s not has if I have not lived my life with Ty to the fullest. I have. I left a career that I loved (and was good at) to be home with him because I wanted to. I have no regrets about my time at home with him… the trips to the zoo, the grocery shopping together, the hours of hanging out while the girls were at school. But now that he is getting ready to launch this new adventure, I know I am going to really miss him.
Ty at 15 Months
Oh great, I am a wreck and it’s only February. This has made me realize that I am going to need medication come September. And shopping. Probably new shoes.
When Ty found out that he will be starting Kindergarten in the fall, and that Lily will be at the same school (albeit in the 5th grade classroom). He was reassured. He said, “Good. If Lily is there and I have to go poop, she can help me.” I won’t even go into the look of dismay that flooded Lily’s face — it defies description. But we all nodded and said, “Yup, she’ll be there to help you.” And then he said, “And if I am sad, I can tell them to get Lily and she can come hug me.” And we all said, “Yes. She will come give you a hug.” And then he said, “And the teachers will LET me get her, right?”
“They damn well better!!!” I said.
Ty and Lily 2009
And crazily enough, this actually began to reassure me, too.
So, here we go. The countdown until Kindergarten. I think Ty will be fine. But me? The jury is still out.
O.k. your poignant blog today made my cry, but in a good way. I too remember for each of my kids the feelings with this rite of passage. It feels like growing pains as your heart stretches with these new landmarks. Last night I watched one of my “babies” wrestle in his first ever match and I swear that when he walked on that mat it felt like David and Goliath— since I was seeing my “little boy”up next to this “teenager”. I cheered bravely :) (and prayed hard under a smile). When they raised his hand at the end, he had a satisfied, relieved look on his face. (I wiped the sweat off my face.) I saw a young man at that moment who was so proud and my heart stretched some more.
Isn’t it strange how one craves adult interaction on the one hand, would give anything to be with adults all day, not to mention some time just for yourself…and on the other hand you don’t want to give up even a second with your sweet little darlings?
Kari,
You made me cry! I remember so viviidly the first day of Kindergarten for both my kids (now, 14 and 12) and I cried, no I blubbered. Watching them walk into their new classroom and seeing the door shut behind them is embedded in my mind forever.
I love that Lily will be there for Ty and I hope he gets a hug from her when he needs it.
Try to make it until August before thinking too much about though. :-)
My sons go to daycare and will be there also for Kindergarten, but when 1st Grade comes, they will begin a totally new school and I suspect I will be filled with the same sadness and panic that you are feeling with Ty (who is adorable!!!)